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Sunday, August 25, 2013

Yet Another Open Letter

Dear-


I debated writing this for a long time, but then figured I might as well, as I had to get it 

Tuesday, August 13, 2013

The First Few Days, An Apology, and The Ugly Truth

Alright.  Many of you have asked me NOT to refer to Partial as "Summer Camp for Feebs and Losers" I think it's a perfectly acceptable name, but apparently it offends some people who continue to insist that I am not a loser, despite the fact that I am
-jobless
-friendless(at least locally)
-disowned by most of my family
-childless
-husbandless
I don't understand where the non-loser component is in all that, I truly don't.
Let's be frank.  I spend WAY to much time on Facebook and Twitter.  Too much time when I should be doing other, more profitable things.
However, in my time there, I can tell you this much.
If you tweet or status update that you are
-getting divorced
-have lost a family member
-are sick(even if it's just a bad cold)
-injured yourself physically
-or are trying to lose weight, quit smoking, drinking, drugs, what have you
The likelihood is that you'll get a million supportive responses.
However, tweet or status report that you are depressed, hating yourself, feeling hopeless, and if you're lucky, you'll get one or two.

Because the truth is, if you're like me, if you have what I have, it's almost inevitable you've pissed off or alienated your friends to the extent, they don't know what to do, or they are afraid to say anything to you, for fear it is the wrong thing.   And I'm sorry for all the times I've done that.
  That said, I've got to be honest. I can't guarantee that I won't do it again in the next few weeks.  I need a lot of support, and a lot of patience, as I continue to work on myself and, more importantly, take care of myself.   I'd like to say that means I'm going on vacation from social media, but I'm not that strong, or disciplined.   What it will mean, is I'll be more sensitive, more needy, and more likely to get irritated.    Rest assured, I don't like this any more than you do, or will.  I'm doing my best to get better, to talk myself off the ledge for the eleventy-sixth time.
I've agreed to try yet another med, Prozac this time, to see if it will help  with my depression.  This is the 7th drug I've tried.  It brings up a myriad of feelings.   I'm worried, I'm sad, I feel like a failure.
But, I suppose, for all the times I've said I give up, something tells me you never know.
So, here we go again.  That's really all I have to say right now.
To all of you who are still reading, still here, and love me for some strange reason, TYESM.
I love you back.
As the little girl on the Tide commercial says,
You are free to go. :)
To be continued...