Now is the SUMMER of My Discontent

When it's 9:10 PM and it's still 88 degrees, and it's only the middle of July, there's no way that can be good. Especially when you're female, and diabetic.
Translation, you can't have all the ice cream you want, and the law dictates that living in this country, you have to wear a shirt in public, along with that medieval torture device a bra--so much for the perks of being a "D" girl. Yeah. Perks, my ass.

Longing for winter, when no matter how cold it gets there's always one thing more you can put on.
My body's here tonight, but my head and heart are elsewhere, thinking of people, places and things I wish I could have.
The kicker about having clinical depression is just that the rotten feelings and malaise that are the hallmarks of this disease are compounded on a day like this. And what truly sucks, is the activity I usually fall back on(napping) is impossible when it's so FREAKIN HOT. My wheezy window unit tries valiantly to abate the situation, but it's hit and miss.
Ah depression, what is it. Most pyschiatrists and pyschologists will tell you it's a chemical imbalance where the seratonin receptors are blocked and blah, blah, blah....zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz. Does medication help, yes, having been with and without it (and I am with it now, permanently) but, on a bad day, all they do is take the edge off, and the best way I can explain that is that you still feel bad, you're just not throwing things and telling perfect strangers about how awful you feel.
On days like this, I wonder which is worse.
Here is what depression really is.
Depression is when you get a rejection letter about your poetry, and it wrecks your whole day, even though you've been writing and submitting stuff for over ten years, and you know receiving them is part of a starving writer's job description.
Depression is when you know your closest friend is away all day and busy, and not ignorning you, but you still check your phone like some sort of idiot, and by the end of the day, you're sure they are either-


A-angry at you for something that they honestly haven't given a second thought to
OR
B-never speaking to you again, because they're sick of your whining, and have found happier people to associate with, and, as a result of that, when you finally talk to them, you pick a stupid fight with them over nothing, and then spend the next week beating yourself up about how stupid you are.
Depression is seeing NOTHING good about yourself no matter how many people tell you otherwise.
Depression is lonely, and exhausting, and it well,
It SUCKS.

And some days, like today, you wonder if you'll ever feel differently.
But being the pessimistic optimist that I am, there's always that little voice, "Tomorrow could be better".
And maybe it will be.
FYI--Pandora Internet Radio is Pure Evil.
Trust me on that one.
And, if anyone out there in cyberspace is listening...Good night.