And Then There Were Six

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I love this photo, and I'll tell you why.   It's candid, it's a bit vague, but I know the story behind it.  In that moment I was happy.  I was proud of myself and I liked myself because I'd just done something great for another human being, someone I admired( and still admire) greatly.
Seeing what happened, later that night, and for the last two years, it seems I've spent most of the time trying to get back to that moment, to that place of well being and contentment.   It's been a struggle.
I've written a great deal this year, about my writing, and about living with my depression.  Sometimes it's been helpful, sometimes it's made things worse.   I know some things I've said here have offended people, and honestly, that wasn't my intent at all.  I offer apologies for anyone I may have unintentionally hurt.
I'm a work in progress, as always, and so much of 'what happens next' for me is uncertain.   My faith has slipped a lot, I've lost a lot of trust in people.   I don't like not knowing what happens next, and abhor change, even though I know things have to change, or you can't move forward.
So hence the title of this post.   There are six weeks left to this less than stellar year, and while I have many things to say, I think I'll keep it to the positive stuff.  So, I'd say this year I've learned to-
-Keep my mouth shut sometimes, to not pick fights, to try to make peace, rather than creative dissension, whenever possible.
-I've learned to be more gentle with people.  To breathe, to take a step back, and to work on my patience.  After all, I need that from others, now more than ever.  I'm not saying I'm completely successful all the time, I'm still working on that.  It's a process.
-I've learned I'm not as hideous as I think I am.  I've been forgiven so much this year, and I am so grateful for that.
-I've learned to detach , with love, from people and situations who can't change, who refuse to give an inch.  The brick wall won't crack, and I need to let it go, and accept what is, and rest my aching head and heart.
To everyone who's helped me this year thank you.  I won't go through the list of names, oh, hell, I have to mention a few.
To Lisa, and Amy, and Jules.  Again, thank you all, for everything.  I know we will be friends until we're in the ground, and yes, I'm going first.  You are my true sisters.
To Amanda, thanks for hanging on so far.   I know it hasn't been easy, but I'm getting there.  You'll see.
To my wonderful friends in the writing and culinary community- Michael Ruhlman, Simon Majumdar, and Jehangir Mehta, again, for the encouragement, for being willing to follow me on Twitter, for interacting with me so frequently, a million thanks.   I love you guys so damned much.
So long, 2012.  Up the staircase to 2013.  Head up, eyes forward.  Let's go!!!