An Apolgy For Alton, and the Ugly Truth (What Blogging Is For, and What IT ISN'T)

Well, I got my wish. I'm officially infamous. Last week, thanks to a Tip from Twitter, I was on the radio with Mr. Brown.

Here's the link:

www.929dave.radio.com/2010/08/24/alton-brown-in-studio/#photo-1

I'm the third caller in the second group of calls.

Apparently, I struck a nerve with AB. I wish I knew the complete story, why he is so against blogs and bloggers, what truly happened to make him feel this way. He used to have a blog himself, and it was very enjoyable to read! I've heard the rumors of what happened, that some people sent in obscene, and borderline threatening comments and he decideed to stop, and that makes me sad.

I hope that maybe, when I see him in October I can talk to him about this. (No, I will NOT try to change his mind.)

For now, I apologize to you, AB, for pushing my point. I let my heart take over, and maybe I got a little too passionate. I promise, I wasn't trying to show you up.

I admire and respect the heck out of you. Last year, when I met you for the first time, you redeemed one of the worst days of my life and I will never be able to thank you enough for that.

I don't expect you to understand, but just know, regardless of what happens in the future, that I will always be grateful.

And now, for the UGLY TRUTH-

What follows is a thread that I started on the Forum for a Blog called Food Network Humor

www.foodnetworkhumor.com/forum/topic.php?id2256

Sorry, that link only brings you to the forum, not the thread. The thread starts "On the Podcast Yesterday"

Apparently, these people seem to think I'm someone else who has a blog about Mr. Brown-I'm not. I 'd really like to know what I did that was so slanderous. Truth hurts, and yeah, it's ugly.

Everything I've said about what Mr Brown says about bloggers is true.

And, I have proof.

So, it's not slander.

And I'm not scared. At All. Greater is He who is in me, than he who is in the world.

Hello Darkness, My Old Friend

Unfortunately, dear readers, my depression is back in spades. It's worse than it's been in quite some time. I don't know what's worse, the feeling sad, or the feeling lonely. I know that I am, without a doubt, going to lose the remaining friends that I have, if things don't get better.

I REFUSE to go into the hospital. Two and a half hours of group therapy, vs twenty-0ne hours of eating industrial food and staring at stark white walls is not going to help.

My own therapist has done some grievous bodily injury to himself, and no one at the clinic seems to know when he will return. Just so you all know, NO, I AM NOT SUICIDAL.

However, if I died in my sleep in the near future, I wouldn't mind.

I miss my dad. I miss my dad, and my grandparents, and my aunt, the one aunt who believed that her brother-in-law was molesting me, when no one else did. Unfortunately, no one ever listened to her, either.

Today, I talked to my brother, and asked him if it bothered him that we were not close. He gave me a a half-hearted, 'yeah, a little'. His excuse for never trying to have a relationship with me, "We don't have that much in common." Great. Translation: "I really don't care". I know, some of you will say I'm wrong about that, but I know him.

My mom is very helpful, and supportive as she can be(she suffered a brief bout of depression when I was a kid), but I have so much guilt about telling her what's going on. But, if I don't talk, my head will explode.

And then there's my aunt, the wife of the uncle who molested me, and her alcoholic son, both who hate me., simply because I spoke up for myeself at Christmas, who threatened to slap me(her) and threatened to 'strangle me where I stood' (him) on the day after Christmas. This woman, whom I apologized to, who tells me I didn't apologize, who thinks she did nothing wrong, and who poisoned my brother and his wife against me. She's allowed to be happy. While I stay up at night, sad and feeling awful.

So much crap, too much for one entry.

I'm ready to just well, quit.

And by quit, I mean, just not talk to anyone...at all.

So Alone I Keep the Wolves At Bay

It's a better title than "Life Sucks, And Then You Die, " don't you think? I do.

Well, let's see, it's been just about six months since my life fell apart, and what have I learned? Not a whole lot of good stuff.

Let's get out the score card, shall we?

Friends Lost: 3

Family Lost: More than half

Faith: Hanging On By A Thread

Self Esteem: Less Than Zero

And no, I'm not feeling sorry for myself, though by rights I should be. Through all of this, up until this point, I've tried to keep busy, been there for all my friends(Two went through major crises)looked for work, and wrote. Also tried to turn a twenty year relationship into a friendship. But now, I'm DONE. I need someone to take care of me. When I brought this up to my friends, all but two of them were there for me. I am so grateful for those two, who both live much to far away from me. What irks me most are now, that I've vocalized how abandoned I feel, all the other people who considered themselves my 'friends' are protesting my calling them out. In answer, I ask them this?

Did any of you ever---

Send me an unsolicited e mail (Hi, Anne, haven't seen you on LJ for a while, are you ok?)

Sent me a PM on LJ (You ok, or any variation of that)

Jess, Ash, and T, you are all excluded---but you guys are young, and I didn't want to burden you with my crap.

So please. Don't now, automatically claim 'close frienship',. when we know it's not true. I'd like to say that's ok, but it's not, it hurts. What I wouldn't have given for some correspondence, anything. I'd been talking about how bad things were on LJ for a while. When I stopped writing, you would think someone might have worried.

It's ok, I know I don't matter. I've accepted that. I will be alone for the rest of my life, while other people who know how to play the game do just fine.

I'm better off alone. For those who understand, and I know who you are, I love you guys.

For everyone else? Ciao.

I make no apologies for what I've written here. I think I have every right to feel the way I do.

PS. For everyone who still thinks I'm not being fair, you can write me One4saul@aol.com, or leave a comment. I PROMISE I'll respond. I have nothing else to do. :(

Alton Brown: Under-rated, Underappreciated, and Unaware

Seeing as my blog has finally found it's way onto Google(after weeks of trying to get it noticed), I thought I wanted to try this One. More. Time.



So, here goes-and, Mr. Brown, if you're out there, and you see this, just an acknowledgement that you've read this, would be greatly appreciated.







Seems you've had quite the summer. From trying to donate to a webpage whose administrator basically admitted to not being a fan and then going on to let her readers ridicule you again, to being nearly crucified because of your endorsement of Diamond Chrystal Salt, being compared to TV Evangelists, it seems that people just don't get you.



And then finally, yesterday, as I was having my 'quiet time' and surfing the internet, I found an article about Guy Fieri, which contained this quote: "Susie Fogelson, head of marketing for Food Network explained his (Fieri's ) appeal. "I haven't seen anyone connect to this range of people since Emeril".-end quote.



Um. Whiskey. Tango. Foxtrot?



Excuse me, and, gentle reader, indulge me, as I blow a proverbial gasket. Sigh. I have watched the Food Network from Day One, when they re-ran the same shows,. showed very old cooking shows, which I didn't mind, because it gave me a chance to appreciate Julia Child in a different way than I did when I watched her when I was small. I enjoyed the network greatly, but around 1999, it seemed to be on it's way out.



Then, one dreary and miserable August night in '99, I was channel surfing, and stopped there as I often did. Here was a new show, "Good Eats"-hosted by a guy who looked like a cross between Thomas Dolby and Sherman from the old Bullwinkle cartoons. I stopped, I watched, and at the end of that first half hour I was shaking my head, and laughing. Two things ran through my mind-THAT was a cooking show? , and, I have got to see this show again.





The more I watched the show, the more I liked it. Not only did I realize that Mr Brown knew his stuff, but it was one of the few things that could make me laugh, even when I'd had the worst day. And for a few years, the Food Network had the same idea, and Alton was treated like the Golden Boy at FN. Until, the season of The Next Food Network Star when Mr. Fieri won. Somehow, after that, the dynamic of the network changed.

Gone was the emphasis on instructional cooking shows. In it's place were more and more loud, obnoxious entertainment, 'reality' or 'challenge shows whose aim seemed to 'entertain' rather than teach. And, that's sad.
What's sadder was when I heard Mr Brown himself talk in an appearance about the fact that the network wouldn't let him do anymore "Feasting " programs--they'd (because of 'budget constraints' rather funnel that money into things like "Diners, Drive-in's and Dives", that insipid half hour where the host stuffs his face, talks with his mouth full, and asks very possibly the stupidest questions ever to the owners/managers of the places he visits. Nothing is really learned by watching.

And I don't know if maybe these recent developments have left you dishearted, discouraged, and maybe a little jaded. Perhaps that's why you behaved rather pompously when you were on The Next FN Star this year.
But Alton, maybe you're forgetting something. There are fans of yours who've followed you from the beginning, and feel the same way I do about FN, and the same way you do. We know you wanted to do "Ten Foods That Changed the World" and it was seemingly taken away from you, revamped and given to Mo Rocca, (why?). We know you are underused and under-appreciated at FN.
But, we want to help. However, we need to know that you still care about us. Take a moment to consider your die-hard fan base-those who blog about you, promote you, and still, well, love you. Don't group us in with the others, who don't get it. In other words, please. Let us know you're still out there, and you care. I feel that you do, you've just lost sight of it. I hope I'm right.
Thanks for listening.
Please feel free to comment.