Inmates, in and of the Asylum, and Accepting All of It.

Okay, so I'm a great big liar.   I said I was going to not blog anymore, but I changed my mind.  I  have a lot to say, both about writing, and living with mental illness.   If what I write makes people uncomfortable, well, that's a good reason to not read it, isn't it?   If you're interested in all, as I am to support people who do live with depression, anxiety, bi-polar, what have you, then read on.  You are warmly welcomed and accepted here.  Of course that said, I'm not a doctor, nor do I play one on television.  Any opinions are my own--if you don't think they would work for you well then, simply don't do them.   More importantly, if you have your own ideas, I'm more than open to hearing them here---fill up my little comment box, and I will be exceedingly grateful.
  As most of you know, I recently got out of rehab and have been looking to get into another therapy program that offers group therapy on a daily basis.  Well, I found one, I thought, which, at first look, seemed like it would fill the bill, but after visiting there and talking to some of the teachers, I'm having serious second thoughts.
  As the old saying goes, the inmates seem to be running the asylum, calling the shots, acting how they want.  When I questioned the instructors/therapists about this, they answered--well, everyone has to improve at their own pace, we don't force anyone to do anything they don't want  That makes me think many of these people come to this program because they are required to.  I'm sure some of them are prepared, like me, to do the hard work that's required, but I'm afraid some of them just go to get out of the house.
  Then again, that may be my own insecurity talking.   To be honest,  I'm pretty sick and tired, again, of being sick and tired, of having to go to 'programs', of still needing medication and therapy  It's a struggle I wouldn't wish on anyone--well, maybe a few people, but I'm not even sure about that.
  I've just been hating myself lately, and no one has been able to tell me how to get away from that.  Any suggestions, again, are more than welcome.  I need to accept where I am right now, and how I feel.  I suppose things can change, lately though, I"m not sure, and after dealing with another m
Here are some things I still think I know are true about myself
-I'm a good friend
-If I love you, you basically have me for life, and eventually, I believe you'll love me too, even a little.
-I still believe I can write,  even though I lost yet another contest, I will still enter more, even though I'm not sure why.
And that's about all I know right now.
Later, because I'm crying again.