Feelin' Alright? Not Feelin' Too Good Myself...

The last two days have been, well, for lack of a better phrase, perniciously awful.  Had another huge setback in my mom's and my relationship, brought about, of course, when she misunderstood me yet again.  I can't win.  
I lost two writing contests that I really wanted to win badly, mainly for their prizes.  One of them the judge didn't even read my entry.  He insists he did, but I see no evidence of him even visiting the blog.  I hope I'm wrong.   Fine, I'll admit I'm an horrible loser, which is weird for someone as non-competitive as I am.  To be honest,  the winner of one of the contests deserved it.  The other winner of a contest sponsored by a writing consortium, didn't even follow the rules!  I don't get it.  I have no clue
why I keep losing, why my submissions keep getting rejected, how I can make things better.  I'm a writer, it's the only thing I feel I can do well, but  if no one else sees it, where am I?
Oh the last thing.  I know he didn't read it because when I asked if he could give me any tips about what I did wrong, all he said was, "Sorry you didn't win".  Way to avoid the question, Butthead.
  Of course, and I can't understand the reason why, exactly, I can't give up.  I've submitted today, and worked on some stuff and while I may take a nap after I post this, I will probably work again, long into the night.   It's just my nature.  

In the meantime.  I'm going to post a few poems I've written.  Now, I do not labor under the delusion I will ever make any money with my poetry.  I just hope that people like them, and that maybe someone would occasionally pay me something, so I could buy shoelaces, a McRib Sandwich(they're back!-do NOT judge me),supply me with money for entry fees for yet another writing contest.  As I said in a post a while back, you go on.  You have to.

So, here are three horrible poems-Enjoy and remember.  I am a feedback whore!

Still Life

She sits on the bed

Untangling yarn

Pulling at snarls and knots

Smoothing them free

Bringing order to chaos

There's an ease to the process

A repetitive calm and a peace

A simplicity and rhythm

That makes perfect sense.

And when it's smoothed out

The threads can be knit together

Into something beautiful

And useful

And right.

It could be a reprieve perhaps

From other things

That are not as simple

Maybe, or maybe not.

Nevertheless

She sits on her bed

Untangling yarn

Interlude

And once again, I stop,

Somewhere

But not on Fifth this time

In fact, I’m not exactly sure

But still, you are the cause.

Lost not only in my head 

But in my heart

Not sure of anything 

Beside the thoughts of what was said

And what I know

And what I saw.

It’s late.

I need to go

(I want to stay)

I can’t decide

Everyone around me hurries past,

Their inner GPS shows them the way;

Mine’s on the blink.

The lure of your soft voice 

Cements me here

And I could live on that for days,

But not for life.

Resigned, I move again

Towards what, I am not sure,

But I’ll remember where I was

And I’ll come back

When we meet again

Somewhere.

Eulogy From A Late Arrival

It must have been some party

The afternoon you left

And I, tardy as always,

Caught up in ephemera,

I came too late to say goodbye.

I wanted to be there

To see you off

And wish you a safe journey

As you left for parts unknown.

Being late is not fashionable

When goodbyes are involved

The loose ends that are left

Dangle like shoestrings

And lie in wait to trip me up.

The unsaid words hang in the air

Unspoken thoughts haunt me in late hours.

Nothing to do but remember

And hope I run into you again.

May 15, 2011

For Warren. RIP

I wish I'd known sooner.

And now, to sleep.  Perchance to...nah, just sleep.

..