Me: Yeah. I've got nothing else to lose.
(interior voice) But you know what you're saying here, don't you?
Me: I'll jump of that bridge when I come to it. It's true, and that's all that matters.
Just so you know, this entry is dedicated to several friends of mine who have been criticized and crucified for being open and honest when expressing their feelings. I'll respect their privacy, and not use their names. Whatever hell I get for this, is on me.
When I first joined Facebook about two years ago, there was a section in which you could place some favorite quotes. I chose a few, and then thought for a minute before writing the last one. I knew it would open me up to teasing, but as I thought about it further, I figured at my semi-advanced age, let people say what they want. I truly didn't care. The statement was this:
"I will live and die a PROUD fangirl". For those who've never heard that term, a little explanation is in order.
I first heard the word 'fangirl' in the late nineties, when a dear friend used it to describe herself. She was in her thirties, and I automatically thought it was a term used for older women who admired actors, or bands, or athletes. A name that would distinguish themselves from being called a 'teenybopper'. And of course, the use of the word 'girl' would just harken back to "Girlpower' another catchphrase that was popular at the time.
If you look up the word in the urban dictionary, you'll find this:
| 1. | fangirl | 2110 up, 207 down |
A rabid breed of human female who is obesessed with either a fictional character or an actor. Similar to the breed of fanboy. Fangirls congregate at anime conventions and livejournal. Have been known to glomp, grope, and tackle when encountering said obesessions.
Understandably, this horrified me more than words could say. Was this what I wanted to confess to being? HELL, NO! I mean look at all the perjorative words in this 'definition' There's 'rabid', 'obesessed' and 'obessesions' (both spelled incorrectly btw), and and of course, the obligatory snipe at women who go to conventions (anime or otherwise) and write in on line diaries.
Then again, this was from Urban Dictionary. They make fun of EVERYTHING, and I reminded myself of that after breaking things and screaming for about 20 minutes.
Still it ate at me. To tell the truth, this description was suited more to males, and males who attend sporting events. Living in New York you'll see stories almost daily about bad behavior at football, baseball and hockey games. Drunken brawls, property damage, attacks on women, all in the name of love for 'my team'. We've all heard stories about riots after championship games, haven't we?
And, ok, I'm sure, in more than a few cases, there are women sports fans who have caused their fair share of damage. Today, it's an equal opportunity insanity, for lack of a better word. As I child of the sixties, I saw fandom everywhere. I was a little too young to remember the Beatles, but I lived through the fervor for the Rolling Stones, the Doors, and of course, Woodstock. Back then, it was cool to be a fan, to go to a concert, or a game, and scream your head off. It was customary to have posters on your walls in your rooms, and to talk about the people you admired, sometimes at great length. It was a way to release tension, to have fun, and then, of course, go back to your normal life. I'm not sure when being a fan became a bad thing, but I'll bet it was sometime in the late seventies and early eighties. It started when Squeaky Frome tried to assassinate then President Gerald Ford, and it pretty much went downhill from there, reaching it's lowest point with John Hinkley and Mark David Chapman. And of course, the stories about a woman who repeatedly broke into David Letterman's house, and the man who stalked and killed Rebecca Shaeffer. Suddenly, it was no longer cool to be a fan of someone, whether they be an actor, sports star, or musician. Because of a few bad apples, the word 'fan' became a derivative of the negative term 'fanatic'. To me, that's sad. We're a nation of cynics now. "Trust No One" is everyone's motto, and self love(and no, I'm not talking about that) is the norm. If someone admires someone greatly and talks about it(unless or course, they're a sports figure or political candidate) people view it with suspicion. Perhaps it's time to re-define what a 'fangirl' is. -She's someone with a big heart -She's someone who's not afraid to talk about how she feels. -She's someone who's brave, and strong and loyal, and honest. -She sees the object of her admiration as someone desirable yes, but someone to be respected. -Finally she sees the object of her admiration as someone who's human, has faults, and she's not above talking about those, too. That's what being a true fan is. Loving unconditionally. That's who and what I am, and that's why I will live and die, a proud fangirl. Sorry for the wonky margins on this entry. I hate this computer. :( As always, comments are appreciated and welcome. | ||
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