I usually don't do this

But I've had yet another week from hell, and I feel like being silly. The picture on the bottom needs to be captioned, desperately.

I'll go first-

(mumbling) Uh, spare change, Chef Symon, Donatella, ANYONE?

Anyone else, have at it.

Oh Alton, and I say this with great affection, you need a consultation with Tim Gunn, ASAP. You will always be adorable, but the clothes in this picture certainly do NOT make the man!

After all the man does clean up EXCEEDINGLY WELL...as evidenced in the picture on the top.

I've seen him in a tux in person, this past May, @ the James Beard Awards.

The picture, does not do him justice.

God was paying SPECIAL attention to his work that day!

I'll Get There, I Know the Way

And I give big props to anyone who can tell me from what song I get the Title of this entry. I can think of one person who might know. :)

If I still drank, I'd probably be indulging in some liquid courage before I wrote this, but you know what? I'm really fine w/o it.


To all my friends who read here- I need your support, as I am currently under seige from another blogger, who seems convinced that I have slandered her in some way.
Truth is she slandered me. She is for some reason, unknown to me, because she seems like an intelligent person, rabidly against anyone who seems to possess any kind of religious faith. When I asked her about this, in a tweet, earlier this year, she responded to me, this way-
@awcbsdame how about you fuck off, you weirdo stalker freak? Get a hobby.

Yeah, some of you may think this is just mean. But it casts aspersions on MY character, and last I checked, stalking was a criminal activity. Add it up. It's slanderous towards me. It's not like I said to her, 'Hey--(insert explitive of choice) what is your fucking problem with people who believe? "
My faith is important to me. If this individual is a proud atheist/agnostic, more power to her.
But I think there is a limit to making fun of people who are different than you. You want to debate the existence of God, I'm more than open to that. I respect differing beliefs if it's done in a respectful way.
I'm tired of this. In my RL, I have to deal with scraping by on an SSI check, accepting the fact that half my family refuses to speak to me for something I've apologized a million times for, my own semi-stalker ex, and my recurrent major depression.
Let's just ignore each other from now on.
Am I a coward for not mentioning this person's name? Not at all. She lurks on this blog, she knows who she is. I wouldn't give her any more publicity. I've even considered shutting down my blog because of this, but you know what? It's NOT WORTH IT.

To my friends, any encouraging words, prayers, large sums of money :P are always appreciated.
Thanks for listening.

Alton Brown Is My Constant

Before any of you start making phone calls to the authorities, or Alton's publicists, or HVPC, or Scott my therapist, or ANYONE, let me explain what I mean. This is for those of you who don't understand, or care to understand, or, more importantly didn't watch "Lost", possibly the best thing
on television(after "Good Eats" of course.)

.


Are you all ready to sit quietly and listen? Good, then we can begin. According to the "Lost" mythology, a Constant is a person who for whatever reason is present (in one way or another ) during important or pivotal or stressful periods in their lives. The Constant may or may not realize or understand their importance, but they are, just the same. I know, sounds a little well, unusual, for lack of a better word, but it's the truth.

Here's why Alton Brown is mine. In the summer of 1999, I broke up(I thought for good) with Mark, yes, the same Mark that I DID break up with for good earlier this year. I was inconsolable during this time, and one thing I did for distraction was watch the Food Network. I've been cooheking since I was small--making things like French Toast and Eggs Benedict when I was 12. We won't talk about the Disasterous Biscuit Incident(e-mail me for details).
Cooking for me was an adventure, something that you could create and others could enjoy.
But, I digress. One August night, bored and channel surfing, I settled on the Food Network, and low and behold found a new show, "Good Eats". My first viewing left me confused(that was a cooking show?) but intrigued. The rest of that summer, I watched faithfull, learned a lot, and laughed a lot.
At the end of the first season, I was hooked.
Flash forward to 2006, when, unemployed, again single, and still dealing with the loss of my dad. One sleepless night, FN aired a commercial for the First Feasting On Asphalt.
There was AB, in a hospital, in a sling, scruffy.
Here were my thought processes.

OMG-he's hurt!
OMG-he's scruffy
OMG-he rides a motorcyle..
O....M...G!
Kicked in the head moment, for sure. And I guess that's when I realized, that like it or not, whether I ever met this man, he would always be important to me.

Flash forward again to last October 9th-the worst day so far of my life.
It also happened to be the day I met AB for the first time. Because of everything that had happened that day, I didn't expect much. Instead, I got to meet someone warm, and gracious and genuine. Someone who basically redeemed the day for me.

And this past February, when I met him again, he effusively thanked me for a gift that I gave him, something that I thought was so negligible, I'd get an off-handed "thanks " for. That was so NOT the case.
This year, to put it bluntly, has sucked. So many times I have been close to shuffling off this mortal coil, due to the ending of a 20 year relationship, the estrangement of family and friends.
Some things have remained. My faith, my writing, my love of art and books.
I am blessed with three amazing friends who have stuck through all of this with me.
So, to Jules, and Dee, and Lisa, I don't know how I will ever thank you. None of you have ever criticized or questioned me, have endured my snark and my screaming,and my constant barrage of tears and self-loathing. I wish you all were closer. If not for you three....well.
You all have saved my life, innumerable times.
And, as I get ready to go see The Illustrious Mr Brown next month, I want to say, "Thank You So Much" -I don't expect you to understand, and I'm sure what I've written here will catch you off guard. But you, and your show have helped me through an extremely difficult time, and if, you can't sleep one night, and happen upon this entry, know that I appreciate everything you do.
And yes, I do love you. In the best possible way.
In closing, I'm posting this video, shot by another fan in Boston last year.
Enjoy, all.
PS. Thank you also, Ashli, my twin sis, born 20 years after me, for all the late night letters. I love you, sweetie.

Wake Me Up When September Ends

It's been a crappy Summer. Crappier than I care to talk about. So much family drama, so much internet crap. I've learned a lot of things I wish I didn't know, I've lost what I thought were two good friends. My brother and my sister-in-law told all manner of lies about me, and half the family believes them. Their loss, but it sucks.

I've been slandered, and accused of slandering, when all I did was tell people the truth. What the people who slandered me don't realize is that I would not have done anything, if they hadn't gone after me first in June, on the FNH forums. Saying and insinuating things about me that were unfair and untrue. I tried to tell people about them, with varying degrees of success, but....two minutes ago, I got a message from Chef Michael Ruhlman, saying people like this were usually assholes...

Can't copy the tweet for some reason, but it's on my twitter page.

If you search for SiouxDoughNym, it's there.

Thank you, Chef Ruhlman.

It's nice that after all this shit, someone gets it.

And btw, all the readers who visit this blog from" Europe and Luxembourg", etc....get lost.

There's nothing for you here.

Sometimes, the good guys do win. :)

Using Blogging For the Powers of Good(Or, What Have We Learned This Summer, Children?)

Yet another summer comes to a close.






(Lucky fish, don't you think?)


The worst summer of my life, in possibly, the worst year of my life. But, enough hearts and flowers, let's talk about something else.



A dear friend of mine has a wonderful blog-"All About Alton"
http://www.allaboutalton.com/
It's acutally about more than just Alton. It's about cooking and life, and she will argue with me, but it's about dreams, and not giving up, and staying true to yourself. It's entertaining, but with a point. She's had it for the past two years, and it's given a lot of people, including myself tons of valuable information. She's a great inspiration to me, and also one of the reasons I'm still on the planet, but, that's another show. I digress.





Ever since we heard about the first oil spill in the Gulf, we've wanted to do something to help. I made a suggesting to her about something I'd been thinking of, and well she did the rest.





Le link est ici(the link is here) :





www.allaboutalton.blogspot.com/2010/09/alton-brown-fans-lets-unite-for-good.html





We're hoping to raise a good amount of money. I pray God blesses this effort. So, to my group of small, but valued readers, I ask that you all please, give something if you can. These are two causes that are very near and dear to my sister's and my heart. And yeah, they mean something to Mr. Brown, too.


See Alton, some blogs work for the Good Guys.


And that's all I have to say uh-bout that.





Here, if you are unfamiliar with Heifer International, is a video.
























I thank all of you in advance for your donations-remember, every little bit helps.

An Apolgy For Alton, and the Ugly Truth (What Blogging Is For, and What IT ISN'T)

Well, I got my wish. I'm officially infamous. Last week, thanks to a Tip from Twitter, I was on the radio with Mr. Brown.

Here's the link:

www.929dave.radio.com/2010/08/24/alton-brown-in-studio/#photo-1

I'm the third caller in the second group of calls.

Apparently, I struck a nerve with AB. I wish I knew the complete story, why he is so against blogs and bloggers, what truly happened to make him feel this way. He used to have a blog himself, and it was very enjoyable to read! I've heard the rumors of what happened, that some people sent in obscene, and borderline threatening comments and he decideed to stop, and that makes me sad.

I hope that maybe, when I see him in October I can talk to him about this. (No, I will NOT try to change his mind.)

For now, I apologize to you, AB, for pushing my point. I let my heart take over, and maybe I got a little too passionate. I promise, I wasn't trying to show you up.

I admire and respect the heck out of you. Last year, when I met you for the first time, you redeemed one of the worst days of my life and I will never be able to thank you enough for that.

I don't expect you to understand, but just know, regardless of what happens in the future, that I will always be grateful.

And now, for the UGLY TRUTH-

What follows is a thread that I started on the Forum for a Blog called Food Network Humor

www.foodnetworkhumor.com/forum/topic.php?id2256

Sorry, that link only brings you to the forum, not the thread. The thread starts "On the Podcast Yesterday"

Apparently, these people seem to think I'm someone else who has a blog about Mr. Brown-I'm not. I 'd really like to know what I did that was so slanderous. Truth hurts, and yeah, it's ugly.

Everything I've said about what Mr Brown says about bloggers is true.

And, I have proof.

So, it's not slander.

And I'm not scared. At All. Greater is He who is in me, than he who is in the world.

Hello Darkness, My Old Friend

Unfortunately, dear readers, my depression is back in spades. It's worse than it's been in quite some time. I don't know what's worse, the feeling sad, or the feeling lonely. I know that I am, without a doubt, going to lose the remaining friends that I have, if things don't get better.

I REFUSE to go into the hospital. Two and a half hours of group therapy, vs twenty-0ne hours of eating industrial food and staring at stark white walls is not going to help.

My own therapist has done some grievous bodily injury to himself, and no one at the clinic seems to know when he will return. Just so you all know, NO, I AM NOT SUICIDAL.

However, if I died in my sleep in the near future, I wouldn't mind.

I miss my dad. I miss my dad, and my grandparents, and my aunt, the one aunt who believed that her brother-in-law was molesting me, when no one else did. Unfortunately, no one ever listened to her, either.

Today, I talked to my brother, and asked him if it bothered him that we were not close. He gave me a a half-hearted, 'yeah, a little'. His excuse for never trying to have a relationship with me, "We don't have that much in common." Great. Translation: "I really don't care". I know, some of you will say I'm wrong about that, but I know him.

My mom is very helpful, and supportive as she can be(she suffered a brief bout of depression when I was a kid), but I have so much guilt about telling her what's going on. But, if I don't talk, my head will explode.

And then there's my aunt, the wife of the uncle who molested me, and her alcoholic son, both who hate me., simply because I spoke up for myeself at Christmas, who threatened to slap me(her) and threatened to 'strangle me where I stood' (him) on the day after Christmas. This woman, whom I apologized to, who tells me I didn't apologize, who thinks she did nothing wrong, and who poisoned my brother and his wife against me. She's allowed to be happy. While I stay up at night, sad and feeling awful.

So much crap, too much for one entry.

I'm ready to just well, quit.

And by quit, I mean, just not talk to anyone...at all.